Yep, it does. I can (still) hardly believe my kiddo is a year old. Time is draining away in a blur of diaper changes, couponin' crazes, blogging, and my most recent expedition, mystery shopping.
And today marks the 20th anniversary of my grandma Jeanne's death. It is hard to believe that she's been gone from my life longer than she was in it. I imagine this is true for a lot of people, but I feel like every few years my life undergoes a vast transformation that eclipses previous eras of my life. Right now, as I just mentioned, life is mostly about Max and frugality and making writing fun again. In other times it's been all about death, or hockey, or falling in love, or getting drunk, or theater. It feels a little like a crazy quilt, and I imagine it's partly the nature of life for things to evolve constantly, and that it's partly just my personality.
And I also think these chameleon traits, which are mostly fun and surprising, (and sometimes a little depressing in a culture that starts asking "so what do you want to be when you grow up?" far too early)are genetic. I inherited it from my mom who has enjoyed a colorful array of jobs and hobbies, and that she in turn inherited it from her mom. My grandma moved to Alaska from New York by herself as a young woman which in itself is pretty bad-ass. She slung clothes, liquor, raised two amazing, creative kids, divorced, subscribed to Playboy, volunteered, stitched costumes for the local theater, made my brother and I feel like stars and sometimes not, and she died suddenly twenty years ago today when I was fifteen.
I suspect she'd be mostly proud of the disparate seasons I've gone through. And though most days my grandma seems lifetimes away to me, because so much has changed in the last twenty years-- I can still remember the cracked lines on her feet (which alarmingly, my own feet are rapidly coming to resemble), I can remember the ruddy skin just below her collarbone, the splash of pink in the Strawberry Shortcake sheets she bought for my weekend slumber parties, and the way I felt when she'd give me a book like Little Women, or when she'd tell me we would publish my poems. I miss you, Grandma.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
First B-day
Dear Max,
We've all made it through a year. It's hard to believe an entire year has gone by-- the days flew even when many of the nights were long. I feel like you just got here and like you've always been here at the same time. And I still wonder where you were before you got here-- you are just so here that I feel like you must have existed somewhere, somehow, before.
On Saturday we had a little gathering for you. Daddy cooked up an amazing spread of baked ziti, chicken parm and a gorgeous icebox cake. Who knew he could cook like that?! Grandma and Pa, Auntie Annie and Iris, Uncle Matt and cousins Sophia and Matthew, and your godparents Hannah and Jared were all here to celebrate with us. We picked out a quality in each of them that we admire and asked them to help cultivate it in you over the years. You should be in good shape if you end up with even half of the love and positive qualities that you were surrounded with yesterday. Your other Grandma and Grandpa couldn't be with us yesterday, and we miss them as much as they miss us.
You didn't take a nap until 4p.m. yesterday after everybody left. You got some really fun gifts but you were more intently focused on ripping the tissue paper they came in into tiny shreds.
It's been quite the year, kiddo. We traversed those first hard months and they, like labor, are becoming a distant memory. When I look at pictures of you from back then, I almost don't recognize you. When I hold you, it's hard to believe that a year ago you were still hanging out in my tummy.
You have just learned to crawl and you crawl just like your cousin Sophia, a cute little crabwalky thing. One of your other new favorite pasttimes is pulling yourself up on the window sill in the dining room and babbling like a grumpy old man surveying the neighborhood. Some of your other hobbies are going for computer cords (you're actually trying to get my laptop right now), hot cups of tea, and playing mama jungle gym where you crawl all over me like a little monkey. And you're not yet too big to carry around in the Ergo~ I still put you in there to get a few things done around the house, and it seems to calm you down to be snuggled in like a koala cub. I wonder if you still remember the sound of my heartbeat from when you were inside, and that makes me a little sad. I realize that one of the hardest lessons of my life will be all the letting go I will have to do with you, and it makes me ache a little when I consider that. But for today, I'm just enjoying that you're our little big boy, our one year old. Happy birthday Maxers.
Love,
Mom
We've all made it through a year. It's hard to believe an entire year has gone by-- the days flew even when many of the nights were long. I feel like you just got here and like you've always been here at the same time. And I still wonder where you were before you got here-- you are just so here that I feel like you must have existed somewhere, somehow, before.
On Saturday we had a little gathering for you. Daddy cooked up an amazing spread of baked ziti, chicken parm and a gorgeous icebox cake. Who knew he could cook like that?! Grandma and Pa, Auntie Annie and Iris, Uncle Matt and cousins Sophia and Matthew, and your godparents Hannah and Jared were all here to celebrate with us. We picked out a quality in each of them that we admire and asked them to help cultivate it in you over the years. You should be in good shape if you end up with even half of the love and positive qualities that you were surrounded with yesterday. Your other Grandma and Grandpa couldn't be with us yesterday, and we miss them as much as they miss us.
You didn't take a nap until 4p.m. yesterday after everybody left. You got some really fun gifts but you were more intently focused on ripping the tissue paper they came in into tiny shreds.
It's been quite the year, kiddo. We traversed those first hard months and they, like labor, are becoming a distant memory. When I look at pictures of you from back then, I almost don't recognize you. When I hold you, it's hard to believe that a year ago you were still hanging out in my tummy.
You have just learned to crawl and you crawl just like your cousin Sophia, a cute little crabwalky thing. One of your other new favorite pasttimes is pulling yourself up on the window sill in the dining room and babbling like a grumpy old man surveying the neighborhood. Some of your other hobbies are going for computer cords (you're actually trying to get my laptop right now), hot cups of tea, and playing mama jungle gym where you crawl all over me like a little monkey. And you're not yet too big to carry around in the Ergo~ I still put you in there to get a few things done around the house, and it seems to calm you down to be snuggled in like a koala cub. I wonder if you still remember the sound of my heartbeat from when you were inside, and that makes me a little sad. I realize that one of the hardest lessons of my life will be all the letting go I will have to do with you, and it makes me ache a little when I consider that. But for today, I'm just enjoying that you're our little big boy, our one year old. Happy birthday Maxers.
Love,
Mom
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Checkin' in
Not much terribly exciting to write about, but the boys are at swim class so I wanted to check in here, since it's been a few weeks. And one of my intentions for the year was to write in here at least twice a month. So here I be.
Nothing terribly exciting is going on right now-- my life seems to largely revolve around attempting to get Max to take naps so I can take a breather. Or play with my coupons. I recently discovered that if I put him down on his tummy for naps, instead of his puny little 20 minute nap, he'll often sleep for anywhere from 40 minutes to over an hour. Good, good, good stuff!
And it's been almost a year now that we've been parents. People have been asking if it feels like a year, and I say it feels like when Scott and I were first dating. (And by dating I mean living together.) It both felt like we'd known each other forever, and also like it was impossible that time was passing so quickly. And that's what it feels like with Max. Don't get me wrong-- I most certainly remember my life before him. Days of puttering around the house, sometimes reading a book a day,watching a season of TV on dvd in a weekend, going to movies with Scott... yes, I remember those things. Some days I miss them. It's not that I don't remember my life without Max, I just can't imagine it without him now. There are these amazing little jewels of moments scattered throughout days that are a little more domestic than I used to be comfortable with. Like he's waving now, and he waves with both hands at the same time, which is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen. Or how he likes to be dipped upside down-- he makes this half-wry, half-delighted smile that makes him seem much older than his 11 months. Or how he kicks his legs and makes appreciative little noises when I'm feeding him something he really likes-- this week, it's baked pears with a little olive oil.
So life is pretty good. The house is somewhat tidy. I slept more than two consecutive hours last night. I'm warm and cozy on the couch with my monkey sock mug full o tea. By the time Scott and Max get back from swimming, I will have started to miss them.
Nothing terribly exciting is going on right now-- my life seems to largely revolve around attempting to get Max to take naps so I can take a breather. Or play with my coupons. I recently discovered that if I put him down on his tummy for naps, instead of his puny little 20 minute nap, he'll often sleep for anywhere from 40 minutes to over an hour. Good, good, good stuff!
And it's been almost a year now that we've been parents. People have been asking if it feels like a year, and I say it feels like when Scott and I were first dating. (And by dating I mean living together.) It both felt like we'd known each other forever, and also like it was impossible that time was passing so quickly. And that's what it feels like with Max. Don't get me wrong-- I most certainly remember my life before him. Days of puttering around the house, sometimes reading a book a day,watching a season of TV on dvd in a weekend, going to movies with Scott... yes, I remember those things. Some days I miss them. It's not that I don't remember my life without Max, I just can't imagine it without him now. There are these amazing little jewels of moments scattered throughout days that are a little more domestic than I used to be comfortable with. Like he's waving now, and he waves with both hands at the same time, which is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen. Or how he likes to be dipped upside down-- he makes this half-wry, half-delighted smile that makes him seem much older than his 11 months. Or how he kicks his legs and makes appreciative little noises when I'm feeding him something he really likes-- this week, it's baked pears with a little olive oil.
So life is pretty good. The house is somewhat tidy. I slept more than two consecutive hours last night. I'm warm and cozy on the couch with my monkey sock mug full o tea. By the time Scott and Max get back from swimming, I will have started to miss them.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Bye Bye, 2009
2010, wow! Wasn't it just, like, 1992?
So I know it's just another day and all, but I'm among those that likes to take a moment to pause and review what's come to pass and think a bit about any course corrections that might be called for in the new year.
2009 was a particularly big year for me as we became parents, which is probably the biggest single change of my life besides my brother's death. So we welcomed Max, stopped sleeping, I had a (gracefully pretty short-lived) time with post-partum depression, went to a crap-load of mom's groups, stopped eating anything fun, saw Max smile for the first time and forgave it all. I saw some old friends much less than before, and made some new friends with similarly aged little ones. I ate meat for the first time after 20 years. I made phone calls for work while holding my breath that Max wouldn't scream. And this year, what with all the nursing of my nursling, the world has become my personal Mardis Gras-- my boobs have been out on boats and in churches and restaurants, in the backseat of my car and at the mall. My boobs get out more than I do!
And for the coming year-- a few intentions/goals:
Keep using coupons and sales so I can keep within our grocery budget.
Track our finances for the entire year (usually I do this for awhile and then stop).
Write in here at least twice a month!
Deal with mail and dishes daily. Or at least bi-daily. : )
Relax and have more fun (when not tracking finances, or dealing with mail and dishes).
Go on dates at least once a quarter. (Yes, with my husband!)
Ask for, or at least accept offered help-- especially around childcare so I can spend time with Scott or do nice things for myself.
Happy 2010!
So I know it's just another day and all, but I'm among those that likes to take a moment to pause and review what's come to pass and think a bit about any course corrections that might be called for in the new year.
2009 was a particularly big year for me as we became parents, which is probably the biggest single change of my life besides my brother's death. So we welcomed Max, stopped sleeping, I had a (gracefully pretty short-lived) time with post-partum depression, went to a crap-load of mom's groups, stopped eating anything fun, saw Max smile for the first time and forgave it all. I saw some old friends much less than before, and made some new friends with similarly aged little ones. I ate meat for the first time after 20 years. I made phone calls for work while holding my breath that Max wouldn't scream. And this year, what with all the nursing of my nursling, the world has become my personal Mardis Gras-- my boobs have been out on boats and in churches and restaurants, in the backseat of my car and at the mall. My boobs get out more than I do!
And for the coming year-- a few intentions/goals:
Keep using coupons and sales so I can keep within our grocery budget.
Track our finances for the entire year (usually I do this for awhile and then stop).
Write in here at least twice a month!
Deal with mail and dishes daily. Or at least bi-daily. : )
Relax and have more fun (when not tracking finances, or dealing with mail and dishes).
Go on dates at least once a quarter. (Yes, with my husband!)
Ask for, or at least accept offered help-- especially around childcare so I can spend time with Scott or do nice things for myself.
Happy 2010!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Shameless self-promotion
Like money? Check out my new blog, the Portland Penny Pincher. I swear, the pennies like it when you pinch them, even if you hear them scream.
http://portlandpennypincher.blogspot.com/
http://portlandpennypincher.blogspot.com/
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Dental Damn
The boys are at swim class so thought I'd catch up a bit in here. It is, of course, a busy time of year, and at the same time, the time of year that I most want to snuggle into bed and sleep and eat cases of clementines. Okay, what I really want to eat is pizza, but since I can't, I'll settle for those sweet temptress tiny oranges.
Speaking of sweet, despite the fact that I've rarely ingested sugar in the last seven and a half years, (not counting those vanilla soy latte days) I somehow ended up with a mouth full of cavities. It may have been that I didn't go to the dentist for about nine years. How does that happen, you might wonder? Well, it starts by just a bit of procrastination. I'll go next month. And then that next month comes and goes. After a few years of this, it becomes a matter of not wanting to go because I'm embarrased that it's been so long since I've gone. The old "gotta clean up the house before the housekeeper gets here" mentality. Then when I finally went, about a year and a half ago, I had a negative experience with the practice I chose. They tried to get me to buy some fancy schmancy vibrating (!) toothbrush, told me I needed a mouthguard at night (!) and other such silliness. I really was going to get the cavities taken care of at another practice, but then I ended up With Child and the only thing I could tolerate having in my mouth for months was cinnamon toothpaste (and tater tots).
So I finally went back and am getting the seven, yes, seven cavities taken care of. Yesterday was round one. Of course, as fate would have it, the only dentist covered on our otherwise fabulous health coverage is the yucky place I went before. However, I'm far too cheap to just pay out of pocket for dental work, so I sucked it up (so to speak) and went back for another exam. It was actually not so bad. My favorite part being that all the chairs have TVs on them! Since Max was at my parents playing his little heart out, I actually considered asking if I could stick around and just watch TV and maybe take a little nap.
Yesterday I went back for the first chunk of work on my teeth-- I was surprisingly anxious. Or maybe not surprisingly. Does anybody really like to go to the dentist? Besides my dad? It's so awkward-- strange people with gloves spelunking in your mouth. (Okay that sounded way naughtier than I'd planned it to. But I'm leaving it there anyways.) I like having the TV at the dentist because it gives your eyes a place to focus-- perhaps that's my biggest qualm about having people work on your teeth-- they're staring at your face, but at no cost should you try and make eye contact with them. I tried closing my eyes but that felt wrong-- what if they tried to slip something in there and I wasn't being vigilant? (Okay, that also sounded naughtier than intended.) So instead I spent about an hour staring up at the holes on the ceiling, while trying to look complentative lest the dentist folk think I'm a little slow. Of course, trying to look complentative while half of your face is all Bells Palsied up is challenging.
Add to this that I have a hard time when I'm anticipating pain-- I turn into a twitch mess when I get my eyebrows waxed. It's not that it hurts that much-- it's that I think it's going to hurt. Fortunately I took advantage of the fancy TV and switched on Discovery Health. At night that channel, which is probably my favorite, has all kinds of awesome shows like "The Woman With Giant Legs" and "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" which has seemingly in touch, intelligent women accidentally giving birth into toilets ("I looked down and there was a little face staring up at me") but during the day it was mostly pure birthin' goodness. It seemed to slightly unnerve the dentist and the male dental assistant (Justin Timberlake lookalike!) to have women groaning and bloody vernix-smeared little babies on the TV-- though they shouldn't have been watching-- they're supposed to be paying attention to the dental work, yo!-- it helped me enormously. What a reminder -- a little shot of novocaine in my jaw? A drill barrelling into my pearly (not so) whites? That's nothing. I birthed the ample-headed Max, after all! After that little realization, I calmed down significantly and was able to breathe while pensively examining the ceiling and playing with my half numb face when the dentist took breaks.
I go back Tuesday morning for the rest of the fillings-- hope Discovery Health has something good waiting for me!
Oh, and I'm still obsessed with coupons. Scott thinks I have a problem and I agree. Doesn't that count for something, that I'm not in denial? I'm thinking of starting a new money saving blog to let people know about good local deals. Anybody interested?
Alright, happy holidays to all my readers (hahahahahahahahahahahha). See y'all soon.
Speaking of sweet, despite the fact that I've rarely ingested sugar in the last seven and a half years, (not counting those vanilla soy latte days) I somehow ended up with a mouth full of cavities. It may have been that I didn't go to the dentist for about nine years. How does that happen, you might wonder? Well, it starts by just a bit of procrastination. I'll go next month. And then that next month comes and goes. After a few years of this, it becomes a matter of not wanting to go because I'm embarrased that it's been so long since I've gone. The old "gotta clean up the house before the housekeeper gets here" mentality. Then when I finally went, about a year and a half ago, I had a negative experience with the practice I chose. They tried to get me to buy some fancy schmancy vibrating (!) toothbrush, told me I needed a mouthguard at night (!) and other such silliness. I really was going to get the cavities taken care of at another practice, but then I ended up With Child and the only thing I could tolerate having in my mouth for months was cinnamon toothpaste (and tater tots).
So I finally went back and am getting the seven, yes, seven cavities taken care of. Yesterday was round one. Of course, as fate would have it, the only dentist covered on our otherwise fabulous health coverage is the yucky place I went before. However, I'm far too cheap to just pay out of pocket for dental work, so I sucked it up (so to speak) and went back for another exam. It was actually not so bad. My favorite part being that all the chairs have TVs on them! Since Max was at my parents playing his little heart out, I actually considered asking if I could stick around and just watch TV and maybe take a little nap.
Yesterday I went back for the first chunk of work on my teeth-- I was surprisingly anxious. Or maybe not surprisingly. Does anybody really like to go to the dentist? Besides my dad? It's so awkward-- strange people with gloves spelunking in your mouth. (Okay that sounded way naughtier than I'd planned it to. But I'm leaving it there anyways.) I like having the TV at the dentist because it gives your eyes a place to focus-- perhaps that's my biggest qualm about having people work on your teeth-- they're staring at your face, but at no cost should you try and make eye contact with them. I tried closing my eyes but that felt wrong-- what if they tried to slip something in there and I wasn't being vigilant? (Okay, that also sounded naughtier than intended.) So instead I spent about an hour staring up at the holes on the ceiling, while trying to look complentative lest the dentist folk think I'm a little slow. Of course, trying to look complentative while half of your face is all Bells Palsied up is challenging.
Add to this that I have a hard time when I'm anticipating pain-- I turn into a twitch mess when I get my eyebrows waxed. It's not that it hurts that much-- it's that I think it's going to hurt. Fortunately I took advantage of the fancy TV and switched on Discovery Health. At night that channel, which is probably my favorite, has all kinds of awesome shows like "The Woman With Giant Legs" and "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" which has seemingly in touch, intelligent women accidentally giving birth into toilets ("I looked down and there was a little face staring up at me") but during the day it was mostly pure birthin' goodness. It seemed to slightly unnerve the dentist and the male dental assistant (Justin Timberlake lookalike!) to have women groaning and bloody vernix-smeared little babies on the TV-- though they shouldn't have been watching-- they're supposed to be paying attention to the dental work, yo!-- it helped me enormously. What a reminder -- a little shot of novocaine in my jaw? A drill barrelling into my pearly (not so) whites? That's nothing. I birthed the ample-headed Max, after all! After that little realization, I calmed down significantly and was able to breathe while pensively examining the ceiling and playing with my half numb face when the dentist took breaks.
I go back Tuesday morning for the rest of the fillings-- hope Discovery Health has something good waiting for me!
Oh, and I'm still obsessed with coupons. Scott thinks I have a problem and I agree. Doesn't that count for something, that I'm not in denial? I'm thinking of starting a new money saving blog to let people know about good local deals. Anybody interested?
Alright, happy holidays to all my readers (hahahahahahahahahahahha). See y'all soon.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
For me to coupon (said in Triumph the insult comic dog voice)
Holy crap, I think I’m a housewife.
So my latest obsession is coupons. Seriously, have these been around all along? How come nobody told me about them? We’re working on trimming our expenses and the biggest ones we have that are malleable are our food expenses. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I never really paid attention to grocery store sales in the past. I just bought what we needed, or more frequently—wanted. I didn’t realize you could go online and check out what’s on sale at each grocery store. And then the fun part—try and match sale stuff up with coupons.
So for the past week or so I’ve been practically carrying around a pair of scissors (don’t worry—I don’t carry them in the same hand I use to carry the baby!). And the Universe clearly wants me to be using coupons-- when I went to Dash of Diva to dance with the Nia girls a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon the Hannaford booth and they had tons of great Hannaford coupons there. As the rest of the crowd was greedily grabbing the free whisks and apples and oranges, I was grabbing the $1 off this, $2 off this coupons. Also on my first grocery excursion using coupons, I found that the coupon fairy had left me a little coupon inside the freezer by some frozen fruit that was on my shopping list. And I found a little coupon organizer at Goodwill for 99 cents. Cool stuff.
There are actually entire huge online communities dedicated to couponing—I am happy to report that despite my new obsession, there are people far more crazed then I am. Although, there’s still time.
Also within the last few weeks I’ve made apple crisp. Somebody get me an apron, I think I might be a housewife.
So my latest obsession is coupons. Seriously, have these been around all along? How come nobody told me about them? We’re working on trimming our expenses and the biggest ones we have that are malleable are our food expenses. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I never really paid attention to grocery store sales in the past. I just bought what we needed, or more frequently—wanted. I didn’t realize you could go online and check out what’s on sale at each grocery store. And then the fun part—try and match sale stuff up with coupons.
So for the past week or so I’ve been practically carrying around a pair of scissors (don’t worry—I don’t carry them in the same hand I use to carry the baby!). And the Universe clearly wants me to be using coupons-- when I went to Dash of Diva to dance with the Nia girls a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon the Hannaford booth and they had tons of great Hannaford coupons there. As the rest of the crowd was greedily grabbing the free whisks and apples and oranges, I was grabbing the $1 off this, $2 off this coupons. Also on my first grocery excursion using coupons, I found that the coupon fairy had left me a little coupon inside the freezer by some frozen fruit that was on my shopping list. And I found a little coupon organizer at Goodwill for 99 cents. Cool stuff.
There are actually entire huge online communities dedicated to couponing—I am happy to report that despite my new obsession, there are people far more crazed then I am. Although, there’s still time.
Also within the last few weeks I’ve made apple crisp. Somebody get me an apron, I think I might be a housewife.
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