In Between

When I go almost a week without writing in here, not only do my fans get outraged (sorry Mom) but I end up with a million random streams of things I want to write about. So it's possible that I'll get a tad tangential here.

I feel really in-between today. The weather this week has vascillated between tank top weather and sweater days. Leaves are starting to fall but the other day in the cemetery, the maintenance crew was all shirtless. I'm smack dab at the 20 week mark of my pregnancy, and I'm right in-between having an obvious baby bumb and just looking a bit portly.

The "master list" that I started last week--cataloguing all the small and large things that we need to get done seems to keep getting longer. I am circling around the sad realization that that's life-- there will always be a lengthy list of things to get done. In fact, in about 5 months, there will be all sorts of new things that have to get done in between all the usual mundane life tasks. This realization comes as very disturbing news to my somewhat secret fantasy that eventually, someday soon, I'll get everything done that needs to be done and I can live out the rest of my days watching television and reading. I am inherently a lazy soul, and while I have come to some sort of peace around that (which is not easy living in a culture that prides itself on long, hard hours of work, and descending from parents who both have very strong work ethics), I still struggle with all the stuff that needs to get done.

I realized the other day that the answer is not to make my life less busy-- I actually have done a nice job at setting up a life where I have the extra time and space that I need-- it's about making better use of the time I do have. In my frenzy of vomiting, moaning, and sipping juice this summer, I stopped my practice of daily journalling. This morning writing allows me to remove the top layer of crud in my brain so I can function at a higher level. I also stopped my halting attempts at meditation. So I'm working on reinstating these habits so that when I do have hectic days, I can breathe a little in between.

So on a totally other note it's Scott and my fourth anniversary today. Four years ago today we stood encircled by our favorite people and made some promises to each other. It rained just long enough to halt our plans of wedding outside, but just after we finished our ceremony, this amazing golden light brushed down on us. It's all kind of a blur-- one of my favorite parts was when we passed our rings around for our guests to bless, though I don't really remember what anyone said-- but it's a lovely blur.

Off to celebrate.